DAY 2

I woke up again today to find some food on the desk I write on. Jesus, I'm pretty sure my shin isn't healing from the gash I gave it trying to hop out of my bed faster. It wasn't even really worth it...I mean god knows how long it's been since I've eaten but come on, I'm pretty sure chef boyardee and stale bread werent the best options at the store. Well I obviously ate it anyways; makes me wonder how I'm supposed to take a leak now, but who knows? It could totally just care of itself too next time I sleep. Fingers crossed at least. Anyways, I had another dream last night. It started where the last one ended; I'm in the middle of a street and walking down towards some creepy looking dock. There's no one outside though; it must be a lot later in the night. I can hear crickets chirping with each other; speaking of which, I never really grew up close enough to the country to know what a cricket sounds like. I could be wrong but aren't dreams exclusively inspired by what you actually know? I thought it was weird but not at the time; much too preoccupied with the task at hand. When I reached the edge of the dock, I felt this crazy strong urge to look over the edge. I was really careful not to touch the barnacles and other disgusting crap that was growing on the rails. The water itself was really deep and murky, probably polluted itself with all of the parasitic growth. Still, I obeyed my urges and eventually found a place on the rail where I could cleanly look over it into the lake. Shimmering on the surface was a pretty reimagining of the stars up above and in the center was my reflection. And I basically lost my shit, the person I saw in front of me wasn't me. Well...let me clarify; it was me but much later in my life. My hair was still pretty full and thick but deeply gray and white. My complexion wasn't too bad but there were definite weathering scars all along my eyes. They looked so tired, so experienced, so...dead. I couldn't help but cry out in shock, almost tripping over myself as I reeled from the rail. Suddenly, my breathing became very forced, each inhale was like daggers and each exhale just dragged them across open flesh. Blood drops leaked from my nose and mouth. I knew what this felt like, ive done this before. Sometime long ago, definitely a distant memory if anything. I fell to the ground, maintaining the usual position. Face in the dirt, I finally took a clean breath; the earth is healing me. I could actually pick myself up from the ground and see the magic I seemed to be responsible for. Every spot in which my blood dripped started blooming the most beautiful flowers and brush I have ever seen in my life. My mind summoned forth names for each sprout. Jason, Chasca, Tsai, all of these names filled my head like a torrent of memories, but not mine to look at. Even now I can almost feel their weight, their alien presence in my subconscious. I can't really describe the sensation, but these dreams are so vivid, so full of life. I can't help but think that maybe these aren't dreams but something else. Ugh, or maybe I'm just some fucking bored out of his mind guy whose clinging to the only thing that seems to have meaning right now. Isn't it funny how our minds are capable of so much more than we actually are? Dreams by their very nature are something unattainable. After all, once you accomplish them, they stop becoming dreams and start affecting reality. Anyways, I'm not really feeling up to writing much more. After all, when I sleep, life starts again.